Three Things Strong Families Do

Everyone wants to have a healthy family. The quality of family life influences every other part of our lives. Families are the greatest source of happiness in life and at the same time, dealing with family problems can also be the greatest source of frustration and disappointment in life.

Here are three things that you can focus on to improve the quality of your family and create a stronger family bond. You might be surprised to find out you are already doing many of these things!

1. Create an Encouraging Environment

            An Environment of Forgiveness

An encouraging environment allows family members to make mistakes. In fact it not only helps our kids feel safe but allows them to learn that God can use our failures to help us grow. They learn that Romans 8:28 is really true, that God can cause “all things to work together for good.” They learn that one of the best questions to ask after making a mistake is “What can I learn from this?” and not “How can I hide this, so I won’t get in trouble.”

            

            An Environment of Good Communication

Many studies reveal that happily married couples differ from unhappily married couples in their communication efforts! They tend to:

·         talk more to each other.

·         take time to understand what is being said.

·         discuss a wide range of subjects, not just family matters.

·         preserve communication channels and keep them open.

·         show sensitivity to each other’s feelings .

·         realize the importance of nonverbal aspects of communication.

Proverbs 21:11 says, “The wise man learns by listening.”

An Environment of Controlled Anger

Anger is energy, and we can choose whether we are going to spend it or invest it. While we may have minimal control over when we experience anger, we have almost total control over how we choose to express that anger. As you choose to harness and direct that anger-energy in healthy, positive, and constructive ways, you will discover one of the most powerful sources of motivation available to mankind. The energy of anger, when wisely invested, can provide greater focus and intensity and lead to greater productivity.   

Martin Luther said: “When I am angry I can write, pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is quickened, my understanding is sharpened, and all mundane vexations and temptations are gone.”

How can you begin to create an encouraging environment in your home?

Get out a pad and pencil. Write down the names of your spouse and your kids. Now ask yourself the following questions and write your responses under each person’s name.

• What are their strengths? 
• What do they do well? 
• What says ‘love’ to them? 
• What makes them laugh? 
• What gives them joy? 
• What is it about them that you are thankful for? 
• What are three good things that they have done in the past week?

How many times during the last week have you given them a specific compliment or thanked them for something positive? When is the last time you “caught” them being positive and let them know how much you appreciated it?

2. Model Positive Behaviors and Attitudes

Regardless of a family’s structure, what happens to one family member or the decisions one member makes affects every other individual in the family as well as the entire family system. This is especially true with parents. While we’ve always known that parents have a tremendous influence on the development of their children’s character, we’re now discovering that parental influence is far beyond what we had imagined.

Below is the poem, ‘Children Learn What They Live’ by Dorothy Law Nolte. While reading it, replace the word “children” every time it occurs with the word “families”. Does it describe yours?

          If children live with criticism,
               They learn to condemn.
          If children live with hostility,
               They learn to fight.
          If children live with ridicule,
               They learn to be shy.
          If children live with shame,
               They learn to feel guilty.
          If children live with encouragement,
               They learn confidence.
          If children live with tolerance,
               They learn to be patient.
          If children live with praise,
               They learn to appreciate.
          If children live with acceptance,
               They learn to love.
          If children live with approval,
               They learn to like themselves.
          If children live with honesty,
               They learn truthfulness.
          If children live with security,
               They learn to have faith in themselves and others.
          If children live with friendliness,
               They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

3. Spend Time Together

• Eat
• Laugh
• Play
• Work
• Pray
• Worship 
• Serve Together

Healthy families enjoy being together. They work together, play together, and enjoy leisure times together. They may be very busy, but they plan time together.

• Set aside special times with your family like game nights, movie nights, etc.
• Make the most of the times you are together: meals, car rides, bedtime!
• Acknowledge each other whenever you can; when you get up in the morning or when you get home from school or work.
• Create customs and traditions that provide your family with many enjoyable memories. Having similar interests and developing common goals give the family something to look forward to, to plan for, and to experience together.

In Conclusion

A loving, committed family is resilient and can handle problems that might shatter other families. And most importantly, a strong family is rooted in faith! Our Father in heaven sent his Son, Jesus Christ, and they are the center of a strong family!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-6